发牢骚

2014年5月25
面对钱不够用，是否意味着宝宝又要延迟一个月上课呢？六月只上两个星期而已T^T 累。我的钱，却不由得我自主。每天默默期待着这样的日子快快结束。我们在他心里什么都不是。人不是人，钱不是钱....这样根深蒂固的迷思，改变不了。只有离开他..... 以前经常对他说，他们两母子让我觉得自己活在共产党里，一个人赚钱却那么多人花钱。直到上个月看了梁家辉演的共产党，我才惊觉，自己活在一个连共产党都不如的世界。共产党还有分得的时候，而我只有被搜刮... ...

我每次想投资，大伙儿都会劝说:"当心风险很高啊！" 而他则经常说:"小心给人家骗！" 其实，不投资也注定100%赔在他手里。软硬兼施... ... 我能不走么？孩子的前途在哪里？

今天找宝宝逛街聊天... ...
妈: "你那么爱花钱，给你找个很多钱的新妈妈好不好？你要买什么她都会买给你的...."
宝: "不要！我不要新妈妈。"
妈: "这个妈妈不好，很凶.... 你不乖就会打很大力的。很痛的...又没有钱..."
宝: "可以！我要旧妈妈，我不要新的妈妈~"
妈: "我要走了。不要回我们的家了。你要跟妈妈一起走吗？"
宝: "要！"
妈: "走了以后都不会来了。见不到爸爸，也没有人给你欺负，晚上睡觉要自己睡，要自己吃饭没有人喂，自己冲凉，还要帮妈妈照顾弟弟的。可以吗？"
宝: "可以! "
妈: "妈妈带弟弟一起走，你不可以欺负他的，知道吗？"
宝: "我们要带弟弟一起走hor? 不然婆婆会打他，打他很大力... 他会哭很大声的... 他很痛，没有人会救他的hor? hor? "
(我眼泪流了下来）
妈: "如果美咪给你找个新爸爸，你要不要? "
宝: "要.... "
妈: "新爸爸wor~"
宝: "嗯。"
妈: "还是不要新爸爸，只有我们三个人? "
宝: (喜悦) "嗯！不要新爸爸，只要有妈妈就够了。旧妈妈。美咪，我... ermm 还有 abie 三个人就可以了。我会帮你照顾弟弟的。我叫他读书呀~ "
妈: "你跟妈妈走。你不爱爸爸吖？"
沉默许久，宝: "... ... 爱。"
声音是多麽的微弱。我是多麽希望你能亲眼看到这一幕... ... 或许你不觉得怎样，但我却是真心地为你感到很悲哀... ...



2018年1月28日
我依然还过着到处找屋子的日子，依然每天计划着离开这个人间地狱....
应该是今年的1月4号，我因红眼症没去上班，那天是病假的最后一天。视线依然很模糊， 他却硬要我开车去接孩子。并且以后每天都要我去接孩子放学，但我真的太迟放工了~ 他可是要等多一个小时，回到家岂不是八九点？我抓狂了。回家的路上又问了孩子类似的话。

妈：我带你和弟弟一起搬出去住好吗？
宝：（他有点生气）你为什么又这样问？你真的会搬走吗？
(我沉默了一阵）
妈：我不知道。因为我还没找到你喜欢的房子。或许我这辈子都买不起....

过了几天，上学的路上，他突然问我有找到房子吗？我带他去那附近小区看看...
妈：Do you like this place?
宝：This also need to 爬楼梯？Which floor？
妈：这次我找到有电梯的了。
宝：你够钱了吗？I wish it has a swimming pool. Then, it'ld be perfect. It's my favourite.
妈：Unforturnately, I think it doesn't have swimming pool...May be you can go back to daddy place to swim...& maybe the balcony is just grills...
宝：OK~ I wish it is not too high...
妈：Why?
宝：I'm scared. You know...i'm scared of height.
妈：Ya~ I know... that's why i'm abit worry.
宝：If it is high I wish it don't have any window.
妈：Why? We might be drowned...
宝：Then, I don't think I can stay there...I will not have the courage to go near the window. Too scary....
妈：Then, I will give you the room facing kitchen? You can only see the kitchen from your window. No nice garden view or hillview or whatever view...
宝：That's great!
妈：But I think it would be good to give you a room with window. So you will not be jumping and running around in the house XD
宝：No~~~~ That's too SCARY~~~ Keep that for Vincent.

20/1/2018回家路上...
宝：Mommy...when do you think I can save enough money to get my new phone? How much is a phone?
妈：May be about 1 thousand?
宝：Ha? You think I can save enough?
妈：Sure. If你没有乱乱花钱，跟妈妈一起省钱。你很快就能买电话，妈妈也能买房子吖~
宝：Is that the cheapest phone already?
妈：Nope. That's a good phone. If you get the cheapest then you will not be able to play any game with it. Like mine... That's why you need your own phone right?
（*这该死的妈妈竟然教孩子败家啦~）
宝：Ya~ but you think how long leh? Ha? How long I need to keep to have 1 thousand? I think before Christmas. Can or not...
妈：Can~ If你没有乱乱花钱。

22/1/2017爸爸没能载宝贝，妈妈赶去接他。提早走了，还是7:15pm到。路上宝宝用老师的手机打来了两次。老师说他很怕，所以陪他等。回家路上...
妈：Are you scared?
宝：Ya~
妈：Why?
宝：Cause nobody come and fetch me ma...
妈：You called and mommy say coming d ma... see so many cars... If I say I will come means I will come. No matter how late. If papa sleeping, reach home I can't see you sure I'll come and fetch you one...
宝：OK~
妈：Next time不要怕，也不要叫老师陪，因为很迟了。
宝：but I scared ma...
妈：你很brave的。要相信妈妈。If 7 o'clock, I not yet reach 8 o'clock i'll come... if reach home only come back again, maybe it's 9 o'clock...
**快到家里，警察局前面***
宝：Mommy...why everyday also you need to work till so late one leh?
妈：To find money...养你和啊b咯~
宝：To buy food and nen nen for I and Vincent ar?
妈：Yalaa... you no need eat a? You no need eat also I'll need to eat a...So you must make sure you eat n dun skip any meal...my job is to make sure you have enough food ok~
宝：OK~ Next time I work d I'll give you my money... and give Vincent also...
妈：Why? Why you want to give your money to us?
宝：Next time you old d, not working ma... no money... I can give you my money. Vincent say he don't want读书，don't want to work...so I don't want him to饿死。I'll give money for him and his babies also...
妈：No need...I'll work till I cannot work anymore. Everybody in this world must work till they are too old...If you keep giving money to Vincent then when is he going to be independent? Forever他都不会照顾自己咯？
宝：Nevermind~ I'll work very hard and 照顾 him...
妈：Then, 我生手生脚给他做什么啊？Why do you think GOD give him the hands an d legs? You will just make him lazy... He should go and earn money for himself...till I cannot work than you take care of me...
宝：But Vincent is sick... can he work?
妈：Yes, of course. He just need to eat 药药.Everything will be fine. We just need to pray always...pray that Vincent is healthy and no need to eat 药药 anymore....

27/1/2018上学的路上....
宝：Mommy...why you need to pay toll everyday one leh?
妈：Because this is the fastest way to go to your school ma...
宝：Why you don't want to buy near my school leh?
妈：Ermm...I couldn't afford the house that you want near your school ma... you want swimming pool, playground, and lift... too expensive lorr...
宝：But you can save the toll money ma... and some petrol also...and cause less polution like you always say... Yesterday, my teacher also show us the video about naughty human destroying our mother earth...he chopped down the trees...kills the bear just to decorate his house...inject the chicken into a ball... he even kill the snake and make his boots...
妈：That sounds too scary...
宝：Ya....that's why I hope you can get a house near my school and save some money... no need to pay for the toll.... (bla...bla...bla... till near 1U) I wish I can quickly save enough money for my phone...
妈：Make sure you eat. If you don't eat then you will be sick or may be die. Phone also no use d...
宝：but I also need to keep for University right? How much for that?
妈：20 thousands I guess...you will not have enough... That's why I cannot simply spend money, must be super省钱。还有啊B leh?
宝：That's a lot ar?
妈：Ya~
宝：Why not you buy a house near my university...then we no need to give people money to stay at their place lorr? You also no need to drive far far send me to the university...
妈：It's ok... We're staying in Kuala Lumpur... everywhere is very near one... Don't worry...but you like super clever leh~ I like you <3 :="" aybe="" be="" better="" but="" can="" discount...="" discount.="" for="" free="" get="" give="" go="" last="" may="" none="" now="" only="" p="" people="" some="" still="" than="" they="" time="" to="" university="" us="" will="">